The first books I remember reading were the Peter and Jane series, where basic words and sentence structures were learnt. I also recall several Ernest and Celestine books, which were beautifully illustrated and contained equally beautiful stories of Ernest the bear and his daughter, Celestine the mouse. I enjoyed reading about the heartwarming incidents that happened between them, and the soft, blissful pictures that were painted of them on every glossy page. This sparked off my imagination, as I dreamed up beautiful and romantic stories for myself. I was a rather quiet and dreamy child, often lost in my private little world of beauty and love, but always very well-behaved as a result of my preoccupations.
Picture books aside, my first non-picture book was Enid Blyton's The Little Lost Hen and Other Stories, which my father gave to me over dinner one evening after he had returned from work. I was in Primary 1 then. This was a compliment to me, as the book was relatively thick and contained row after row of English words, with minimal illustrations. I loved the book right from the start, as it made me feel more grown-up. I was glad my father entrusted me with a book that had minimal illustrations and zero colours. For years after this evening, I made it a point to go for thick books with tiny words whenever I visited the community library, in an almost sado-masochistic manner. I believe this contributed to my proficiency in English language at that point of time.
I first became demoralized by a huge, gilded hardback version of Pride and Prejudice which I bought at a book fair in Primary 4. This classic novel humbled me quite a lot, as it made me realise that I was not as good at English as I thought I was. It was a very important lesson to learn, and it spurred me on to read even more to perfect my English, assuming that perfection was even possible. Other books that characterized my Upper Primary school years included more classic children's books like What Katy Did, What Katy Did Next, and The Wind in the Willows, on top of countless Sweet Valley books that were read, just to look fashionable. Enid Blyton had not totally disappeared; I remember boasting to my friends about finishing every Secret Seven book in the school library. My imagination continued to be fuelled by Roald Dahl stories as well, and by the time I reached secondary school, I had become quite a creative writer.
In Secondary School, I got hooked on vampires. Every day during Silent Reading, I would be engrossed in a book that featured vampirism in one way or another, voraciously taking in every bloodsucking scene and sharing sensual sections with friends around me. Polidori's Vampyre stands out from my many other vampire books, which included episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and novels by Christopher Pike. My fascination with Vampyre led me to Edgar Allan Poe, whose stories I read with even greater pleasure, even though I only truly understood what the stories were about when I revisited them in Junior College for my Gothic paper. This period however was not totally swayed by morbidity; I read Charlotte's Web for my Secondary 1 English Literature class, which was the first book that made me cry. I had a very good English Literature teacher who forced us to close-read the text and dig for examples to support the over-arching themes every lesson, helping me appreciate it more than I ever could have on my own. Charlotte's Web was the first text that began my affair with English Literature as an academic subject, and the first text that renewed my confidence in my standard of English. Thanks to my teacher who taught us the skills to appreciate the beauty in Literature, I found a subject I was genuinely and altruistically interested in.
The next book that totally blew me away was Emma Tennant's Hotel de Dream, which I read as one of the texts for my Gothic paper. This was my first encounter with postmodernism, and it opened a whole new world of ideas in my head. It was also a prelude to Modernism and Postmodernism, concepts which would intrigue me in University. Studying Literature full time in University exposed me to even more literary works which I felt satisfied both my intellectual and emotional needs. My appreciation of poetry increased greatly, and I fell head over heels in love with the works of Gerard Manley Hopkins and John Donne. I loved how their emotional struggles resonated with me, especially when the struggle concerned God.
I started seeing myself as a Christian ever since I left Primary School, but had never gone to church or read the Bible. It was in University that I started attending church and purchased my first Bible. University was a very personal journey that I took to know God better, and to seek answers to the questions and doubts I had about Christianity. Hopkins and Donne's main appeal for me was their heart-wrenching struggles with Christianity that were so powerfully reflected in their poems, and their sincerity in celebrating God despite their inner doubts. These poems awakened in me a greater thirst to find out more about God and His ways, and led me to use Literature essays as a means of researching more on how people thought of God, whenever I could. I was fortunate to come across Martin Heidegger in a Modern Critical Theory module, who helped me think about God through a different lens. I used my essay for this module to fortify certain beliefs I already had, and to reconcile a few of my Christian conundrums.
Literature is intrinsic to the essence of my being, without which I would be lost, especially in the face of the giant God. Literature has led me to pick up non-fiction books about the Christian faith, and having been conditioned by the study of Literature to read texts sensitively and reflectively, my experiences with these faith books have been immensely rewarding. I firmly believe that people have to be extensively exposed to Literature before they can really appreciate life and live meaningfully. Literature enhances the quality of life, and nourishes the individual's soul.
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